When I stepped foot on my British Airways flight just over a month ago now, I was at an all time low- or at least, pretty close.
I was experiencing loss in my life and to be transparent, at the time felt like I wasn’t quite sure how, or if I was going to make it through.
As I sat in the airport waiting to board, my mom called me- concerned.
You know those moments, when people try so hard to pull you out of a darkness, but there’s a wall of some sort- blocking any light from shining in? Kind of like you’re standing in quick sand, and there are people there, grabbing your wrists to tug you out to the surface, but instead you are stuck — and sinking deeper.
That’s where I was at.
I boarded the plane anyways.
As I found my seat and got settled for my long journey ahead, I was trying my best to find a silver lining. Florence had brought me so much joy and clarity years ago, so if there was any place to be working through life, I guess that was the place to do it.
I didn’t plan anything for my trip this time around. Typically on my solo ventures around the world, I’m jumping from hostel to hostel, living out of a backpack, and trying to cover as much of a new city or country as possible…
But that was never my intention for this trip. I wanted to do everything that was familiar. Everything that had become “home” to me two years ago.
As I challenged myself to think of one thing I never did while living in Florence in 2024, I remembered.
There was this tattoo place I had followed, but never made an appointment.
And whether it was due to feeling as though my life was in crisis or I needed to do something somewhat adrenaline inducing to make me feel something, I figured this was the trip to do it.
I have three tattoos — or at least I did at the time of boarding this plane. All are written words/phrases and carry deep meaning. They are part of me and my story — representing different time periods of my life and constantly serving as every day reminders.
I always joked my next tattoo wasn’t allowed to be words; otherwise I’d turn into a human book with random sentences all over my body.
The funny thing is, I’d never really been able to connect to an image or a symbol enough to carry it with me for the rest of my life. Perhaps it’s the writer in me that found deeper connection to words — I’m not quite sure.
As I opened my old Pinterest board, that quite honestly I hadn’t touched since sometime last year, I began to scroll…
Not even a few seconds in, I stopped.
I didn’t even really have to think about it — in fact I didn’t really let myself.
Before my plane even took off into the sky, still wheels on the ground in Nashville, I had screenshotted the art and reached out to the tattoo shop.
It was happening.
As I touched down in London for a 9 hour layover, the initial parlor I had in mind didn’t quite pan out — but I had already told myself I was getting a tattoo, so I needed to figure it out. I did several social media deep dives, and while doing a random scroll on TikTok came across an account with the most beautiful fine line. The post wasn’t viral or anything — but nevertheless, it found me — or rather, I found it. I found her.
After a couple days of trying to make something work, she was able to squeeze me in on my last day. It felt like a perfect way to end my trip — divine timing if you will…
The morning of my appointment, and my final day abroad, I could feel the sadness creeping back in. I was surprised at how much I was able to keep my tears at bay on my trip — I was surprisingly feeling okay.
But, I was living in a dream — truly.
My final day, the impending doom of returning back to my life back in Nashville hit me — hard. I was sick to my stomach. That is, until I met Julie.
Have you ever met somebody in your life, you just feel like you were destined to meet? Like you can’t really explain it, but there’s an odd sense of peace or alignment the moment your souls interact?
That’s how it felt meeting Julie.
For the duration of my appointment, my sadness, apprehension, and anything else negative was placed on a shelf — away.
I learned about slivers of her life and I returned with sharing some of mine, but overall there was such a light about this experience in a time where I felt empty. I was grateful.
As I walked back to my Airbnb, I called my mom — although I couldn’t explain it, I had to tell someone about this gift I felt like I had been given.
Later that night, Julie messaged me. Somewhere along the way of booking my appointment we had become Instagram friends. As she shared some photos of my new tattoo, she expressed that she “felt inside that I was special” and followed that statement with the following —
“l destino ci ha fatte incontrare.”
Destiny/fate brought us together.
Instant tears. I honestly couldn’t believe it. I had literally just said those exact words to my mom hours before… To know we felt the same made it all the more meaningful.
So, the tattoo… What was it/what is it?
What does it mean?
For someone who has happily lived a fairly nomadic life for the greater part of my early twenties, goodbyes have never been an easy thing for me. A lot of things in my life have been temporary and frequently, I have had to come to terms with appreciating the value of a moment — accepting that it will, inevitably, be gone at some point.
My journey in Nashville has been the closest thing to settling somewhere — ever. I’ve been here over a year and a half and have a lease that will keep me here until at least December. That being said, I didn’t really plan on having to say any goodbyes yet, ya know?
My tattoo depicts two birds — one seated on a branch and the other flying away…
Moments are fleeting, just as people, cities, and jobs are.
Sometimes we know how long they’ll be there…
And sometimes we just don’t.
Sometimes things come when we least expect them to — and transversely things leave as well — and sometimes unexpectedly.
More and more I am coming to learn we must look at moments, people, all of it, as these birds.
Things are going to come. They will perch themselves on a branch. We can admire them — appreciate them.
But the thing about birds, is they have wings… (yes I know I’m stating the obvious, but bear with me).
It’s inevitable, that at some point, the bird will in fact fly away. The moments, people, things, will be gone — and we have no control, no say, in it.
We must let them go.
Let it come. And then let it go.
I won’t lie. I’m still working on the letting things go aspect of it all… it’s a hard thing to accept really.
Funny enough, my workplace is moving offices. Last week, my coworkers and I spent our last few days in the office where we all met — where I began here in Nashville. As we sat out on the balcony eating lunch, a bird came and perched itself on the railing next to me. We all stilled, gazing in amazement… That is until a second bird came and perched itself right next to the other. They sat there — still — as did we.
I didn’t think anything of it until one of my coworkers exclaimed — “It’s like your tattoo!”
A few seconds later, one of the birds flew away. The other stayed — but only for a few moments longer.
Although I’m sure coincidental, I couldn’t help but feel a deeper meaning to the moment.
I’ve had to say some hard goodbyes lately — to let go. But seeing those birds in real life — witnessing a moment that perfectly depicts the scene I so sporadically felt called to decorate my left arm for the rest of my life with…
There was a beauty in it — in the letting go.
